Today

Today just doesn't seem fair.

Being a full-time working mom is literally the hardest thing I've ever done.

 

I drove routinely up the dark street. 

It was snowing outside & my parent's driveway was white.

It was the coldest morning yet dropping Mackson off & he scrunched up his little face as the snowflakes lightly hit his cheeks for the first time.

 

The house was dark & so still.

My dad who usually greets me excitedly at the door was still snoring down the hall.

I took the blankets off of Mackson layer by layer and lifted him out of his seat.

He was SO warm and flopped right over on my shoulder with the tiniest little sigh.

 

He whimpered for a second as I laid him in his crib.

Then he flopped over on his left side & covered his little face with his arm, just like usual.

Sucking away on his little binky.

Then he was out.

 

I stood there silently after I kissed his little warm head & whispered how much I love him.

The house was still silent. Dad was still snoring.

It was 6:30am & everyone was sleeping.

But there I was awake as could be, not quite wanting to start my day yet.

 

I stood there thinking about how today just isn't fair.

It's cold outside & I still want to be in bed too.
I wanted to scoop Mackson up in my arms & kiss him a thousand times over.

But instead I gathered up my keys & my coat, & left my heart laying there in the crib.

 

I walked down the steps without a baby carrier & without Mackson.

It seemed just a little colder outside & the driveway was covered with just a little more snow.

I probably cried a little bit & wondered if it ever gets easier.

Today just doesn't seem very fair.