Feeling Sentimental

Last night after Mackson and Spencer were both in bed I laid awake at midnight and was feeling so sentimental. August was the most eventful, wild month of my entire life. I've never experienced so many ups and downs as I did over the course of the last month. 

From having my membranes stripped, to welcoming baby into this big overwhelming world, long sleepy days, and short nights, figuring out breastfeeding, hundreds and hundreds of feedings, a circumcision gone wrong, 4 trips to the ER, one long night at Primary Children's Hospital, a rough battle with Mastitis, being patient with a post-baby body, having problems with my stitches, hearing from the dr that my abdomen wall tore, healing from a level 3 tear, getting a horrible post-pregnancy rash, sending Spencer out of town for work.... The list goes on and on of the many eventful things that August brought. Despite all of the craziness, I didn't want August to end. 

Last night it took almost 2 hours to calm down Mack. 2 hours of screaming and crying and the saddest little face that's enough to melt your heart. Spencer held him, rocked him, walked the halls with him and nothing was working. I finally took Mack and started walking down the hall as we made eye contact and for a minute he stopped crying. He was quiet for the first time in hours and just grinned his big gummy smile like he trusted me and things would be okay. 

I've never been so drained, so exhausted, so discouraged and so tested as I have the last month. But I've also never been more proud, so happy, so encouraged, and I've certainly never felt a stronger love for another human being. 

As I'm having a hard time letting go of August, Today I'm taking a deep breath and welcoming September. It means I'm one month closer to going back to work but I'll be welcoming lots of new adventures, a crazy schedule with Spencer in school, I'll have a month old baby and I'll be wondering where the time goes. I don't feel ready for September but I guess I don't really have much of a choice.

September, please be good to me.