To My Dude.

 

To my favorite dude.
My rock, my priesthood holder, my love & my very best friend.

You left town this week and I sobbed as you packed your bags. You said something funny about how I used to love it when we were first married and you would go back to Vernal for 2 weeks for work. One week with you here, and two weeks with you being in Vernal leaving me in an apartment all to myself. An apartment that, for two whole weeks, didn't have laundry on the floor or in the window sill of our bedroom. Your bathroom door opened all the way because there weren't clothes behind it, and the remote controls stayed exactly where I left them. There weren't empty otter pop or go-gurt wrappers on the coffee table and the scissors stayed in the kitchen drawer.

As I curled up in the guest bed last night wiping my sick-with-a-cold snotty nose and swollen crying eyes I realized something. That this miss-independent, I-can-do-it-myself girl you've known for so many years, really has come to rely on you for so many things. I'm sure it happened long ago, but after 2 years and 4 months of being married, you really are my better-half.

I was once told that you can't fully love someone else until you learn to love yourself first. I think that's true.. but I also think that I've learned to love myself, and be patient with myself because you see the good in me. You tell me you love me and when I look in the mirror I see what you see. Maybe I'm not so great at being wonderful all the time. I've been onry, I've been so stubborn, I've been a complete pain in the ass. But ultimately you've made me better. You put into perspective the things that really matter and I've realized it's better to be loving than distant. It's better to forgive quickly than hold grudges, and hugging always fixes things.

You've become so much more than husband. You've taken on the role of care taker, confidant, foot massager and baby belly holder. You've taken birthing classes with me even when I know you didn't want to. You've cooked me dinner, you get snow cones with me, you've stood up for me, and no matter what you always take my side. You even let me pick paint colors that I loved, even though you hated them. AND you told me the colors looked good, even though I know you thought otherwise. You've loved my family and taken care of papa {which is a hard task} You've laughed at his ridiculous jokes & you've made stupid jokes yourself. That occasionally get me to laugh really hard.

Sometimes I catch you looking at me during movies because you like to watch my reactions. You hug me when I'm angry & tell me I'm pretty after I take my makeup off. Even if some of it is still smeared around my eyes. You tell me I look beautiful when I'm all ready for church even though my dress doesn't quite fit anymore and I tried on 6 different outfits. Just when I'm trying so hard to be strong, whether it's for me or you, or just the mere fact that I'm trying to keep sane, you tell me just in the nick of time that everything is going to be okay.
And I believe you.

I knew you were someone special from day 1. Thank you for being so patient and understanding with me, and loving me even with I least deserve it. I couldn't have asked for a better husband. You have truly become my best friend and my best partner in crime.
 
You're a total goofball and I'm so thankful for that. I really do swoon over you making up your own words to songs even though I want to correct you. {And I do correct you most of the time.} I loved it when you told me you wanted juggling balls and a hair dryer for Father's Day, and how you make fun of the way I say "baby carrots". I love it when you ask me if your hair looks okay and when I tell you something in your wardrobe doesn't match and you say, "yes it does." I hate that you call Jax "Jack" and peanut "peanuts" because you only do it to bug me. But yet I still laugh out loud every. time.

I love that we've created our own life together. We've moved into an apartment, bought Winston and our fish, decided to have a family together, bought a home....
I love that we've done these things together. You were supportive of me when I was in school and I try to do the same for you. We love different things and have so much to offer each other. I love dreaming of our life together and imagining how things will be next year, or in 5 years, or 10 years.. and I love knowing you'll be by my side the whole time.  

I have come to realize that I rely on you for so much more than I would like to admit. But I think that's a good thing. I've realized that I'd rather have your clothes strung throughout the house and the remote controls in between the couch cushions than have an apartment all to myself. I'm okay picking up otter pop wrappers and putting the scissors back in the drawer over and over if it means you're sitting on the couch by me.
{don't think this is me giving you permission btw.. you can still pick up your own clothes & otter pop wrappers..}

I'm so happy to have you forever
and Baby Mack is going to be one lucky kid to have you as his dad.

I love you so much.
-TT