This morning Mack and I woke up routinely for me to feed him. Afterwards he laid on my chest for a few minutes before I went to put him in his crib to sleep. He was fed, had a clean diaper on, had been burped and was already smothered with at least 50 kisses already.. But he was crying and crying. I tried to rock him and sing to him.. I turned his noise maker up just a little bit higher with no success in calming him down. I gave him his favorite pacifier and he wanted nothing to do with it. Feeling like I was running out of options I set him back in his crib with him wrapped up tight in his swaddle and left the room to let him cry. This is not unusual for me to do for his morning nap as I'm trying to get him to learn to self soothe a little bit better since I feel that's vital with me going back to work sooner than I would like. Typically I set him down all swaddled up tight and go to get ready for the day. He's usually fast asleep before I can even make it though doing my makeup but today was different. I was ready for the day with my makeup done, teeth brushed, hair fixed and still had a long list of things I wanted to accomplish around the house.. But the desperate cries I heard from the nursery were pulling at my heart strings as I thought "he just wants to be comforted." I walked to his crib and almost immediately his cries calmed just a little bit. I picked him up, held him close to me and started rocking him back and forth. He instantly fell asleep and looked so peaceful. All he wanted was to be comforted.
This got me thinking about my own life and I thought of the scripture that says "I will not leave you comfortless, I will come to you." It's incredible to me looking back over the last 6 weeks I've had Mack, and how many times I've felt like I was failing, I have felt so inadequate, and have occasionally just felt like crying for reaching the end of my rope. And EVERY TIME I've suddenly felt calm and powered through. I would love to take the credit for just merely realizing I'm doing an okay job, I'm succeeding and my energy is self renewed, but I completely know that's not true. Having small bits of faith in myself have helped I'm sure, but ultimately I can look back and give 100% credit to The Lord for never, not once leaving me comfortless. I often take blessings for granted and fall asleep at night without expressing my gratitude. I owe my days to Him and as I write this I have the most perfect bundle in my arms as a reminder that I am never left comfortless.. That I am blessed beyond what I deserve and I can only comprehend how much I am loved by Him through the love I have as a mother.
"I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you."